Do you want to know the secret to attracting the coolest man? Do you want to know how to attract the most fantastic relationship and heart warming love affair into your life? Who doesn’t… but I didn’t lure you here with that enticing headline only to let you down by pummeling you with my pithy remarks. No, I will give you the answer.
For the record, I recently GOT the answer by listening to the audio book “The Power of No, because one little word can bring health, abundance and happiness” by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher.
Of course, there was an explanatory story, but the end result left me floored. In fact, the summary says it all, and I think that without having heard the tale that brought the author to the epiphany we can still observe and understand that “YES” this is the way to attract the coolest man.
#1) Stop wondering if “the one that got away” was THE ONE.
#2) To attract the coolest man, you must become the coolest woman, [almost direct quote from book]
#3) To become the coolest woman, you will need to realize that you are worth it.
The One That Got Away
Have you ever thought longingly about a time in your life when you were filled with joy and love and felt sexy and wanted and smart and entertaining? Do you look at those times and associate them with the person that you were dating… perhaps you even think that that person made you seem more of those wondering things. Perhaps you think that that person made you be more of those wonderful things. That’s hog wash.
The bottom line: If he did it once, he’ll do it again. If he lied once, he’ll lie again, if he cheated once, he’ll cheat again, if he chewed with his mouth open or talked with food in his mouth and it used to drive you crazy… yup, you guessed it, it’s still going to irk you and he’s not going to change. If he didn’t want to see your family on the holiday… yup, you guessed it, still not going to want to do that.
In addition to that, you’re belief that you were a different person around him, somehow more interesting or intelligent is because… you were pretending. There are a lot of ways that we “play act”, especially in our interaction with other people, whether its romantic or not. We put on this mask to hide and show what we THINK other people will want to see, in order to perform the magic trick of control over a relationship with another human. The fact is, it’s an illusion. They call it the honeymoon period. When people do what they think they should to make people like them, and like them more!
What if you were just you? What if you were just you, and you were pretty awesome. Because, I’m pretty sure you are. So, why isn’t Brad Pitt knocking on your door? Well, for one thing, there’s that wife of his and all those kids… he’s busy. But for a second, we need to stop trying to control things that we have no control over. You have no control over what Brad Pitt does, if he misses the opportunity to meet you.. (sigh… and me) then that’s really his loss. It has nothing to do with you. You are still the same person, thoughtful, kind, honest, hardworking, empathetic, trustworthy and strong.
It’s time to stop thinking wistfully about the “if only’s” and start looking at what you have right now. Enjoy this moment right here and right now.
You Must Become The Coolest Woman
The fiction of our time is that coolness can be measured, like a cup of flour. The truth is, coolness is really an advertising ploy. It’s a mechanism setup to make you feel like you are not enough, and that in order to BE enough you will need some stuff to make you more. Think about it for a moment. When you think about your own “coolness” don’t you think in terms of … what you think other people think about you, right? When you think about other people being cool, you are thinking about what you think. It should be the other way around. Let other people worry about their coolness, and you worry about yours!
Which is cooler?
A woman, unafraid to explore a natural talent to sing or act or paint… or a woman pretending to be interested in someone rattling off their accomplishments?
A woman comfortable enough with herself to sit in silence and think, even while in the company of someone else, or a woman that feels compelled to fill the voids of silence with endless prattle?
My point is. Stop. Take a moment, take a breath, take your time to be who you really are, not who you think will impress the other person the most. Think about it. If he doesn’t like who you really are… how is it ever going to work, unless you think that you will be happy for the rest of your life pretending to be the person you think someone else will like.
You Are Worth It
Imagine being you. Not the person that you think everyone else wants you to be, but you. Imagine waking up each morning completely in love with yourself, your feet, your hair, your body. Just happy with all aspects of yourself. Imagine waking up each morning feeling like you deserve all of the good things that come to you in that day, the compliments, the courtesies, and surprises. You are worth it.
Self worth is a hot button with lots of people, in fact the term is really over-used. What I mean to say is that there is a difference between intellectually knowing that you are worth something and FEELING like you are worth something. I wish there were a magic mantra or meditation that I could suggest to get everyone on the same level of loving who they are, but I can’t. It’s a personal journey.
And like all journey’s, it has to start somewhere. So, I want to suggest reading or listening to this book. The Power of No. I didn’t realize when I started this post that it was going to be an advertisement for this book! 🙂 The other thing I suggest is YouTube. I would search for positive meditations. I LOVE them. I don’t practice them properly, because I don’t sit quietly in a room… but I enjoy listening to them when I’m doing things like… cutting the grass, loading/unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the kids bedroom. I listen like I’m using itunes, I just plug in my ear buds, put my phone in my pocket and head on my way to do my thing.
The point of this whole blog is… if you want to attract the coolest guy, you have to be the coolest girl. AND the coolest girl is the one that just is… Be yourself. You are awesome!